I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
