youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The dick lei will go down in squad history
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
