You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
