I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
