So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
