this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
