First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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