And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
