It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
