He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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