This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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