i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
