if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
