if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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