Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
