every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
