and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
