So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
