i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
