i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
