Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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