So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
