guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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