This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
