Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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