Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
