I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
