Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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