That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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