I swear she didn't look like that last week.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I could fuck to npr.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
