Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
