Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
