margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
