I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
