Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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