the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
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