quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
