Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
