I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
