I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
