Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
