Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
