bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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