Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
