plz talk dirty to me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
