I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so let's talk penis.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
