did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
