Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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