He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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