Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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