the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
