My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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