No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
