If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my sisters under your porch take her home
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
