Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
