Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
