She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
