i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
