Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
